Fesi Sitake has taken BYU’s receivers group to another level. His development as a coach, recruiter and teacher-leader has been impressive.
“It’s been a fun journey. I truly believe God put her in my life for a reason.”
— BYU receivers coach Fesi Sitake on his wife Holly
But he’ll tell you there was a time none of it was possible without a special mentor — his wife.
Sitake and his wife Holly came from different backgrounds. They have been friends since middle school, and as the years passed they became best friends, which led to marriage.
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But after taking vows, he was still trying to find his identity as a human being, searching for a vocation. Holly was a nurse and had her life squared away.
“She married a raw and green young man who had potential but was lost,” said BYU’s passing game coordinator, “so her patience with me, her love for me, it just completely taught me what true love was with patience and understanding.
“She helped me grow and gave me the space to find out exactly what it was I wanted to do. She saw the potential and she worked and supported us. Our early years of marriage she spent working graveyard shifts and playing mom. She was a trooper and hands down the No. 1 mentor in my life.”
The two met in seventh grade, discovering they had siblings who knew one another. They traded notes almost daily.
“We have a shoebox filled with notes from seventh to ninth grade,” Fesi said. “We ended up going to rival high schools.”
Holly went to Brighton High while Fesi went to Hillcrest.
Following high school, Fesi went on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to Riverside, California, and upon returning, they dated and married.
“It’s been a fun journey,” the coach said. “I truly believe God put her in my life for a reason.”
Fesi believes if Holly had known him while he was at Hillcrest High, she would have had nothing to do with him.
“She raised me. We have two boys, but I’m her third boy. We stayed connected since middle school and that’s a blessing in my life.”
Fesi’s mother passed away when he was 16 years old and his father needed all the help he could muster to keep his family progressing.
Fortunately, his cousin Kalani Sitake, had become another key mentor in his life since he was a toddler and ended up being a remarkable force for good in his young life.
His mother was sick since Fesi was born and his father was busy working and providing for the family. He had four sisters, so Kalani became his older brother of sorts. He turned out to be a bright light and strong male figure in his life, a great example of love and manhood.
“My dad was a great dad. I wouldn’t choose another dad, but as a young boy you sometimes need a brotherly figure in your life or you can miss out on some valuable lessons,” Fesi Sitake said. “I got that through other people at church, through friends in the neighborhood, but you don’t get that on a day-to-day basis as a sibling dynamic. Kalani, understanding my family dynamic, stepped in and filled a role.
“Looking back, I have perspective now and realize Kalani made it one of his missions to be the brother, the parental figure that I wasn’t able to get from my mom, so he paid it forward in terms of just giving me the love and direction and guidance that I needed.
“Since that day, I latched onto him to follow his career. I lived with him in summers. I came to BYU football camps. I was a diehard BYU fan watching him play. When he went to Utah to coach, I became a Utah fan. I realized I was more of a Kalani supporter than I was of any team. That just confirmed the love and loyalty that I have towards him.”
Fesi said Kalani set the path for him in terms of the idea that he could do anything he wanted in life, “break into the profession in which there aren’t a lot of people like us.”
Fesi attended Southern Utah University and ended up coaching there as a graduate student before taking a job at Weber State, where he became the Wildcats’ offensive coordinator before following Kalani to BYU in 2018 when his cousin made a change in his offensive staff.
“He’s a pioneer in his industry,” said Fesi of Kalani. “But more importantly, he’s a brother, kind of what I needed my whole life. To have him be a sounding board, going to him for advice for certain things has been valuable.
“I want that relationship with my sons because I know it can impact lives to have people you can go to and share. It’s a blessing to be able to go to Kalani and his brother TJ. There have been many mentors in my life along the way but my wife and Kalani have been huge in what’s happened to me.”
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