Nealy five years ago, former Southern Methodist University and Delaware State women’s basketball player, Bri Tollie, wrote a powerful coming out story that involved deep reflection after an ACL tear.
Tollie went through the trials and tribulations of aiming to gain acceptance from her parents while also grasping the world of being a Black and queer women in the South. She received overwhelmingly positive reception after publicly coming out and used her platform as an athlete to invoke change in the SMU community.
She organized two peaceful protests for the Black Lives Matter movement and helped found the Black Student-Athlete Committee at SMU. She also recorded a video for SMU’s Diversity for National Coming Out Day in October 2020.
Two years ago, Tollie participated in the Being Out video series about her experience of being an out athlete.
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“[Being a part of the Being Out series] with Outsports was a really big moment for me as a Black lesbian who’s been doing a lot of LGBTQ+ advocacy on my college campus,” Tollie said. “When I made the video, I had just moved to Delaware and was starting grad school, trying to figure out how to be in the world without feeling like I had an obligation to create change on campus at SMU and I was burnt out.”
While at SMU, Tollie felt a lot of pressure, frustration and anger that led her into the world of advocacy and organizing. She took the initiative and was looked at as the face of fighting for Black and LGBTQ spaces.
“I poured my blood, sweat and tears into trying to create change on campus,” she said. “I carried so much pressure to always be ‘on,’ to be the one speaking up, fighting back and creative a space because if I didn’t, who would? That work became how people knew me. It became my identity, my validation and my way of making sense of everything I was up against.”
When Tollie moved to Delaware and started her masters in Public Administration at a HBCU, there was a new feeling that she didn’t have to be the face of the movement for equality on campus.
“For the first time, I was in a place where queerness wasn’t something I had to fight to be seen more. I was surrounded by Black excellence, joy, care and love on a mass level. I didn’t feel the same pressure to constantly prove myself or defend my existence. It was healing in a way that I didn’t know I needed,” said Tollie.
At Delaware State, Tollie no longer carried the label of “the activist.” She didn’t have to hide her personality and parts of her identity to prove her worth and be taken seriously in the activism space.
As she describes, “I was learning to exist in the world as simply ‘Bri Tollie’ and not as ‘the organizer,’ not at ‘the activist’ and that was really hard. For so long, I had buried parts of myself underneath my work. [My] softness, messiness, joy, vulnerability and those [characteristics] were things I thought I had to hide to be taken seriously. But in that stillness, in that safety, I had to face parts of myself that I had been afraid to learn on.”
A lot has changed in the past two years for Tollie. Now working in the gun violence prevention space with Brady United, she knows how important her visibility is when representing the intersection of her identities as a Black and queer women in Washington, D.C.
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“Being out to me means showing up fully as a Black, queer woman and letting the truth guide how I move through this work,” said Tollie. “Being out keeps me grounded. It reminds me that our experiences aren’t just important, they’re essential. Too often, the impact on gun violence on Black queer lives is erased, pushed to the side and not taken seriously. But we exist, we’re hurting, we’re surviving and we’re building. Being out gives me strength to name that, to advocate from that place and to fight for solutions that actually reflect who’s most affected.”
Tollie’s life in the past two years has given her the freedom and journey of growth, healing and rediscovery. She’s devoted her time to advocacy in issues that she’s had personal experiences with and are important in her life.
Tollie has also realized how burnout in a spaces that you’re so passionate about is a true realization. Tollie’s been able to find balance in life, give herself space to heal and allowing time to rest and prioritize self-care.
She loves her life in DC. She started playing basketball again, something she didn’t think she’d return to, as the sport was tied to guilt and trauma. Now, she’s going back to the sport that allowed her so many opportunities on her own terms and she’s rediscovered the love she had since a little kid being on the hardwood. She also started playing flag football and got into improv. She’s diving back into her passions from her childhood that’s given her a multitude of joy and creativity.
“Professionally and personally, I’ve found deeper roots in my community. I currently organize with Dream Defenders, a Black-led abolitionist group organized in response to the murder of Trayvon Martin, as the finance lead for the DC chapter. The organization builds power among Black and brown people to advance a vision of safety and liberation that’s rooted in care and not policing or punishment. The work we do keeps me grounded,” said Tollie.
Tollie is deeply involved in the Black and queer community in DC. She’s thankful to be surrounded by people who are affirming, uplifting and inspire her. She’s attended panels, community events, cookouts and dance parties among the many LGBTQ events happening in DC.
“I show up in the world differently now. I’m more confident, more grounded and more present. I’m active in the Black queer community here and I find joy in connection in dancing, karaoke, deep conversation, traveling, creative expression, in sports and simply existing as myself. I’ve carved out a life that feels like mine, one where I’m not just surviving but actually living,” said Tollie.
Being in DC has allowed Tollie to lean into a “season of honest, imperfect and beautiful living.” She’s given the time and freedom to embrace her curiosity and intersecting the her characteristics of learning to be both soft and strong. She’s halted the need to have everything figured out at once and is focusing on “being present, open and excited for what’s to come” in her life.
“The path hasn’t been linear but it’s mine and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Letting go of the pressure mean asking myself, ‘Who is Bri when she’s not organizing. What does she love? What brings her peace?’ It wasn’t easy. In fact, it was disorienting and sometimes really painful. There were moments of depression and deep questioning but it was no necessary,” said Tollie, “[These chapters] taught me I am more than what I do for others. That I can be deeply committed to my community and still prioritize my own joy, curiosity and humanity. Honestly, I’m still learning that every day.”
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